I got a package in the mail today. It fell through the slot with a mute thud. By the time I reached it, it was wriggling. I was disturbed and intrigued. Had a friend sent me a small animal as a prank? Was there a mechanical device motoring around in there? Or was something more fantastical happening?

I tore open the pack, and was beset about the face by a tiny blue woman. She was like a butch Smurf. Butch in a way even the men Smurfs never managed. She beat me with little fists, and screeched.

“What are you doing? You should be on your computer!”

I wasn’t about to answer the demands of this odd creature. I had questions of my own!

“Who are you? What IS this!?”

She leapt from my face to the hallway cabinet. Still eye-level with me, she puffed her chest and announced,

“I am the Great Imp of Spears, Javelins, and Pikes. I am here because you invited me into your home with your actions and your intents, and I will watch over you to make sure you honor your promises.”