superdrew @superdrew@social.targaryen.house

If every pork chop was perfect we wouldn't have hot dogs.

My code.

Much like Bruce Banner, I am always angry.

Unlike Bruce, it doesn't give me superpowers, it just makes me a jerk.

I save all my good toots for my other account.

It's...It's uh pretty exclusive, you wouldn't have heard about it.

Never forget.

The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

I just want to become incredibly wealthy without doing any work. Is that too much to ask?

Fuck you, Bill.

Oh no! They are going to take away my incredibly desirable username!

You know the gag where in the future cigarettes are like 90% filter? Well, that but with production company logos and tv shows. Like 27 minutes of logos and 45 seconds of actual television.

Does your stomach ever make sounds like the predator? Asking for a friend.

I have a glow in the dark wall clock. Only the numbers glow, not the hands.

I haven't tooted anything in weeks, but I still check my notifications daily, expecting that hundreds, nay, thousands of you will have magically discovered my genius and favorited/boosted ever toot I have ever written.

Not today, apparently, but tomorrow I am sure will be my day.

It's not called a beer can't I told the children on my first, and last, day as a school bus driver.

I just want to say that I like tater tots. Thank you.

When life gives you lemons, have a lemon party.

oak nuggins!

I have had the best intentions of doing something for the past two weeks, and yet here we are, on Mastodon and nothing accomplished.

There is always next week I guess.